ARTICLES & COMMENTARY

Every few months we put together a new article (with pictures) to provide ourthoughts on important issues and questions that we hear come up often.  Feel free to scan through and see if you get any new ideas or new answers to old questions! 

Here are some of the articles you will find:
NEW FOR SUMMER 2010 -- What To Wear 
Winter 2010 -- I Can Hardly "Contain" Myself!
Spring 2009 -- Let Nature Provide Your Wedding Decor
Winter 2009 -- Am I "Supposed To"?
Spring 2008 - Smart Shopping
Winter 2008 -- Keeping the Event Lively
Fall 2007 -- How to Handle Candles
SUMMER 2010

What To Wear?
Moms, Maids, and Men

 As if it’s not stressful enough to shop for a wedding gown, the bride also is responsible for at least guiding what the other people in her wedding party will wear on the big day. Most brides have a color scheme or a look that they’d like for their bridal attendants. Some grooms are fashion conscious and sure of what they would like to wear—but, let’s face it, ladies, most men can’t dress themselves! So, the bride probably will be involved in helping to pick out her groom’s and his party’s outfits. And, especially if parents are walking down the aisle or appearing in group photos, many brides would like their parents’ outfits to coordinate with the rest of the wedding party.
 In an ideal world, of course, everyone will be on the same page and totally cooperative with the bride’s and groom’s wishes. In the real world, sometimes people create problems. Dads refuse to wear a tie or a “penguin suit,” Moms insist on wearing red-sequined mini-dresses, or maids argue with the bride’s color choices. All that brides can do is to be as considerate as possible about the prices and styles of their choices, and then firm in their decisions. Especially where recalcitrant parents are concerned, brides have to decide whether a dress is worth a battle to the death (we say NO!) So, try not to make yourself crazy as you strive to coordinate your wedding party’s look.
 The key word here is “coordinate.” The days of matchy-matchy outfits have given way to wedding party clothing that respects and expresses the individuality of each participant, while still creating a harmonious overall look.
 Let’s deal first with the bride’s attendants. More and more brides are choosing not to stick their maids, who have varying body shapes, into the same exact dress. Many brides will specify a length, color family, general style (flowy, sparkly, strapless or not, sundress, whatever), and let their maids pick their own dresses. The only “rule” is that the level of formality of the attendants’ outfits should coordinate with the bride’s look and with the formality of the occasion. So, if the bride is in a super-formal, floor-length ball gown, maids usually are in formal, long  or tea-length dresses as well. The less formal bride might choose cocktail attire. The beachy bride might ask her party to wear short sundresses or shifts.
 The most popular option here is, “Choose your own little black dress,” although this look is no longer as original as it once seemed. But ladies love it because they can choose a comfortable price point and a dress that they probably can wear again. Another option is to let bridesmaids choose anything within a general color family (watery blues or pink/orange, for example). Still another alternative, great for brides who want more control, is to choose a major manufacturer who does several styles in the same color and/or fabric. The maids can choose their own styles within this varied selection.
 We hear a lot of so-called “rules” about what Moms should wear. Today’s Mother of the Bride wants to be fashionable, not frumpy. Many reject the typical MOB look (pastel and polyester) in favor of something more fashion-forward. For a high fashion look, our best advice would be to stay away from most bridal stores and shop, instead, in a good department store or boutique. If Mom is in great shape, then she can go strapless and form-fitting. If she’s not comfortable that way, there are lovely choices in more covered evening separates, dress-and-jacket outfits, even  silky pantsuits for a less formal affair. We’ve also heard the “rule” that Moms should not wear black, because it looks as if they disapprove of the marriage. But, that attitude is way out of date. Many Moms today wear black because it is flattering, slimming, easy to find, and wearable for other occasions. We’ve even seen a bridal party, including Moms, in all-white, and it was gorgeous!
 Another “rule” is that Moms should not wear the same color as the bridal party. Well, we broke that one for Sara’s wedding. Sara’s maids were in chocolate brown, and Sara gave the Moms the option of any shade in the brown family, from champagne to rust to hot fudge. We all ended up in different styles—but all in chocolate brown. At most of the fashionable weddings that we’ve attended, the Moms coordinate, if not match, with the color palette of the wedding party. Still another old “rule” is that the Mother of the Groom should wait to choose her dress until the MOB has chosen hers. Of course, we hope that Moms get along and can communicate, but frankly, we don’t care who buys what first, as long as everyone has gotten the bride’s message about her preferences.
 By the way, today’s bride may very well have male attendants on her side of the wedding party, just as her groom may have female attendants. If a male is on the bride’s side, he usually will be in standard male attire (say a black tux, as opposed to hot pink tulle!) He may wear a boutonnière that matches the ladies’ flowers, rather than the groomsmen’s bouts. He might wear a vest and/or tie that color-coordinates with the ladies. Or, he may just match the groom’s party, but stand on the bride’s side (people will figure it out!) If females are on the groom’s side, we’ve seen several ways of distinguishing them. One is for the groom’s maid to color-coordinate with the men (e.g. wear a black dress, if men are in black, as opposed to ladies who are in a color). We’ve seen one groom’s maid looking chic and comfortable in black tux pants and a ruffled white shirt. And we’ve seen groom’s maids who match the bride’s attendants, but just stand on the other side—again, people will figure it out.
 Brides usually have a strong influence on what their grooms and attendants wear. Our own choices for men tend to be on the conservative side (we always try to think about your kids looking at your wedding pictures and cracking up twenty years later!) Therefore, we reject powder blue jackets, anything shiny or plaid,  and pastel ruffled shirts. A kilt is OK if you’re Scottish, and dress uniforms certainly work for men in the military. Otherwise, the most popular choice for grooms is still the standard tux. Certainly, for a formal wedding, it looks the most appropriate. Black still is the usual choice for men, but brown tuxes are coming on strong as an alternative. We also love the other neutrals—charcoal grey, for example. Men’s formal wear is loosening up, with many grooms wearing long ties instead of bow ties, or even going tie-less. Some grooms want to wear all-white tuxes to match their brides. We’re not in love with this look, except for tropical weddings. For a warm-weather wedding, we do love an ivory tux jacket with classic black pants (the James-Bond-in-Monaco look).
 However, lots of weddings are not formal, and, frankly, we think that a tux on the beach in the morning or at a barbecue in the park looks, kind of, well---odd. There are plenty of other ways to go for a less formal affair. Suits, certainly, will work for the men, dark if the affair is cocktail party-dressy, lighter for a morning or afternoon, warm-weather affair. Some grooms opt for the “preppy” look of blazers and khakis. On the beach, white linen or tropical-print shirts or guyabaras, sandals, and lightweight pants look fine. We’d save jeans for a barn or farm wedding, with the bride in a short, pretty dress.
 As for the groomsmen, they should coordinate with the groom’s level of formality, whether or not they match exactly. Often, the groom will be distinguished by the color and/or style of his accessories. We’re not in love with the look of groomsmen in colored ties and vests to match the bridesmaids—that looks a little “prom” to us. But, if you love it, go for it. Many brides worry about coordinating the men with colors like brown or navy. We think brown or navy accessories look fine with black tuxes, but there also are subtle metallics, like bronze or pewter, available at any tux shop, so coordinating should not be a problem. Men’s bouts also can coordinate with maids’ flowers, or men could wear subtle pocket squares instead of flowers. On the beach, leis look just fine. Dads usually are asked to coordinate with the other men’s levels of formality. However, since Dads might not be the same shape as the younger men, they might be more comfortable in a different style of jacket (say, double-breasted for the more full-figured male). Again, the idea is to “coordinate,” not to match exactly.
 We wish you a happy time and a cooperative wedding party as you explore this should-be-fun aspect of your wedding planning.
Image: 
Winter 2010
I Can Hardly "Contain" Myself -
Creative Containers and Centerpieces


Centerpieces are often considered the "anchor" of decor for a reception.  With guests seated at tables, usually for several hours, centerpieces are what get the most focus from attendees.  They can set the tone for mood, style, color scheme, and more. 

Centerpieces can also be a source of stress and create a totally overwhelming feeling for the bride and those helping her plan.  What colors should be used?  What kind of flowers?  How many do I need?  How much is this all going to cost?

Many brides will approach things in the following way -- decide on a color scheme, pick flowers in those colors, then pick a container to hold those flowers.  What if you were to try flipping this plan around?  WHAT ABOUT PICKING THE CONTAINER FIRST?

Here are just a few reasons why:
-- There are so many more choices of containers now beyond just simple clear glass vases and bowls.  A container can quickly, easily, and affordably set a whole "look" for your event.  It can give you inspiration or suddenly bring a whole "theme" together.
-- Containers come in hundreds of styles, patterns, and colors -- flowers do not.  What if you have chosen a color scheme that is not easily found in natural flowers?  A fabulous container can solve this problem and allow you to use neutral colors to accent. (Think black and white, bright blues, chocolate browns, metallics, and more).
-- A great container can give you more bang for your buck.  If you do not actually have a lot to spend on decor or centerpieces, a more elaborate container can distract the eye from more simple flowers, and will probably cost you less money.  We've seen simple potted plants in a fabulous cachepot, poofs of babies breath in silver urns, or simple leaves and branches in modern vase -- all looked creative and unique, but were probably affordable to put together.

A couple of container shopping tips:
-- Search beyond your typical locations such as flower/wedding/decor stores.  Almost anything can be turned into a container with a little help from a good florist.  Try garden centers, home decor or decoration stores, and more.
-- Pay attention to the size of the "mouth" or opening of the container.  This will show you how many flowers or other items will need to fit in to fill it.  For example, you might find a tall skinny vase that has a wider mouth, thus requiring more flowers, versus a larger urn with a small mouth that would only hold a few branches. 
-- Don't think that every container has to be exactly the same.  Maybe you can find several bowls in the same color, but different sizes.  Or two to three coordinating patterns in the color scheme you want.  Stay open and creative.
-- Always buy a few extra -- you never know when something will break!  Or use them as accents on a guest book table or in a bathroom.
-- Talk to your florist about sharing in the cost.  Some florists supply vases/containers as part of their services, and might be interested in "adding to their collection."  You can offer to split the cost of purchase with your florist, or even ask the florist to buy them and then be allowed to keep them after the event.

Hopefully this brief article has gotten your creative juices flowing.  See below for a mini photo gallery to give you some visuals on what we just explained.  Happy Decorating!
Image: 
Spring 2009
"Let Nature Provide Your Wedding Decor"

Most people associate weddings with lots of flowers. And other natural items, like branches, coral, and shells are becoming quite popular in wedding arrangements. But often overlooked in decorating for weddings are some of nature's most beautiful treasures: fruits and vegetables.

On their own, or combined with other elements, fruits and veggies can add color and style to wedding decor.  They can bring in a seasonal element.  And they can help a bride be both creative and cost-effective.

For instance, pumpkins, squashes, apples, and cranberries can add a fall harvest feeling.  Bright citrus, peaches, or cherries can give a summery accent.  Not only are these items beautiful, but they are extremely economical when used in season.  A few limes or green apples filling an inexpensive glass container are a lot less expensive than an elaborate floral arrangement or an expensive vase.

For a luxury look, some fruits, like pears, apples, or pomegranates, even can be gilded (spray-painted) to look like solid gold or silver.  Here is another money-saving trick:  Use a large, non-see-through container, but fill about 3/4 of it with an inexpensive material like crushed newspaper.  Then top off with fruit or veggies of your choice, concealing the filler material, saving you from having to fill the whole container, and giving a look of abundance and luxury.  Fill in any gaps with straw, moss, smaller fruits, or even a few flowers. Fruits can even serve as containers.  Large or small pumpkins, for example, can be carved out and act as vases and candle holders. 

We do practice what we preach!  For Sara's wedding, pears were a major element that appeared in both the decor and the food.  Several side tables were accented with bronze urns full of fresh pears.  And we even used the urns again!  Just this past Thanksgiving, we filled them with scrunched newspaper and topped off with piles of green apples.  Gaps were filled with smaller lady apples.  Each centerpiece cost about three dollars to make!  And the bonus: the apples served as home decor for a couple of weeks, and then ended up as applesauce!

Pictured here are lots of ideas from our vast photo library.  You will also find more fruit/veggie ideas on our Hot Topics page.  We have many more, so contact us if you have something in mind that you don't see here.
Image: 

Winter 2009
"Am I Supposed To?"
A Classy Sassy Bride's Guide to Requirements and Etiquette
When faced with the maze of wedding “rules” and everybody’s conflicting advice on what they have to, should, must, or absolutely must do, say, look like, act like, and think, many brides are understandably confused.

When brides contact us, the words “Am I supposed to,” or “Do I have to,” or “Is it OK if...” seem to pop up more than any others.


Basically, the rules exist to help people get along better, to keep from hurting or offending one another. But etiquette is not a static thing—it changes as people’s lives change.  Unfortunately, though, many of the etiquette “rule books” haven’t caught up with the realities of today’s world, and that’s where the confusion often lies.


So, what we really need to be concerned about are the principles behind all the rules: graciousness, kindness, hospitality, and diplomacy. If you make your decisions based on these concepts, keeping other people’s comfort and happiness in mind even as you seek to have things your own way and create the day of your dreams, then you usually can find your way through the maze.


In this article, we will try to give you some of our own opinions on some of the thornies issues.  Many questions (naturally!) center around money:

QUESTION:  Do I have to pay for alcohol,” for example, or , “Can I ask people to pay for their own drinks?”

OUR ANSWER:  Well, what does common sense say? Your reception venue is your “home” for the day, and you’re throwing the party. If you invite people to be your guests for dinner, do you expect them to pay for the privilege? Most people would say, “No,” because if you’re doing the inviting, it’s your treat.


Ok, but what if you can’t afford to have all of your friends over for dinner unless it’s a pot luck? Then don’t—do something else that you can afford. Have a picnic or serve breakfast or invite them for punch and cookies. 

Many couples today are choosing alternatives to the full-scale sit down dinner. These alternative receptions can be fun, creative, and thoroughly satisfying to guests, as well as much more affordable for the couple and their families. But, whatever you do, guests don’t pay!


QUESTION: Who am I supposed to invite? Do I have to invite co-workers, children, distant family, boyfriends/girlfriends of guests, or all of my parents’ friends?


OUR ANSWER: Who you can invite depends on lots of factors, especially your budget (and who’s supplying the money!) and the limits of your venue. The answer to many problems lies in being sensitive, even-handed, and fair. At work, you can choose to invite no co-workers, just the boss and the few with whom you work directly, or just those with whom you socialize outside of the office. But don’t hand out invites in the office, as some brides have done, and expect the uninvited not to have hurt feelings. Remember when you were in elementary school, and you had to hand out invitations to everyone or nobody? Well, the same rule goes here. Mail your invites, and don’t make your wedding the focus of your office discussions. Just keep your private life private.


Limit couples’ invitations to fiancées or serious relationships, not a date for everyone, unless you can afford all those extra guests. Just make sure to be consistent in these decisions. The same is true for inviting kids. You’re not Scrooge if you don’t want children at your wedding, but you can’t refuse to have one person’s child and then have that guest arrive to see fifteen others running around. Whether or not to have children, whose, at what age, and so on is one of the biggest sources of bridal aggravation, family tension, and guests’ manipulations. If guests try to bully you by threatening to boycott the wedding if their children (or casual dates) are not invited, we strongly suggest saying, as sweetly as possible, “Oh, that’s too bad—we’ll miss you.” But, as we said, we know that this is not an easy one!


As for parents’ friends, the fairest way to set limits is to give each family the same numbers of people that each side can invite. We know, though, that this issue, too, can call for delicate negotiations. Remember, money often comes with strings attached. If you want total freedom to do as you wish, you may have to pay for the privilege. The territory between “It’s my wedding, I can do as I please,” and having everyone else try to manipulate everything you do can be a minefield. Cross it carefully! Try not to get into the middle of everyone’s problems and issues. Remember, the tone and attitude with which you say things counts just as much as what you say, so stay polite even if you’d like to chew someone’s head off. We know, it’s tough, but remember, you’ll have to deal with these people long after the wedding is over.


QUESTION: What am I supposed to wear?


OUR ANSWER: We can’t believe the number of brides who still are asking if they must wear pure white, rather than a slightly off-white shade that’s more flattering to their skin tones! Elderly aunts are still warning that brides will be thought to be “impure” if they dare to add a little color. All we can say is, this “rule” is way out of step with modern times! Just buy Auntie a couple of wedding magazines or take her for a tour of the local bridal shop. What she’ll see there ought to dispel any notions about “all” brides wearing pure white nowadays. On the other hand, if you have a conservative family or live in a conservative part of the country, your guests might not be quite ready for your entrance in a red ball gown. Think about the effect you wish to create—if “shock” isn’t the first word that comes to mind, then tone it down.


Attire questions also arise because not all weddings are the same. Ten percent of all US weddings today are “destination” weddings, where the traditional bridal ball gown and groom’s tux would be glaringly out of place. Couples are choosing non-traditional venues for their ceremonies, like orchards or ski lodges or parks, rather than churches and hotel ballrooms. In these cases, attire should fit the formality and the practicalities of the setting.


Other questions arise about attire for guests and participants at the wedding: “No black for weddings,” really seems to have gone the way of the horse and buggy. Many bridal parties and parents dress in fashionable black today, and most guests feel free to wear black. At a recent wedding that we attended in New York City, out of about 150 women guests, we spotted only three or four in any color other than black!


On the opposite end of the spectrum, some brides still complain about their guests or parents wearing white or ivory to their weddings. We, personally, don’t give a rat’s patootie about what color our guests wear. We’ve never been to a wedding where anyone couldn’t figure out who the bride is! We have been to a wedding where all of the women in the wedding party, including the Moms, wore white, and it was gorgeous! In our opinion, you have bigger things to worry about than what color a guest’s dress is.


QUESTION: Am I supposed to open gifts that arrive before the wedding? Do I send thank you notes before the wedding?


OUR ANSWER: YES and YES. It is both proper and considerate for people to send your gifts ahead of time, so you don’t have to worry about what to do with them on the day of. People need and want to know that their gifts have arrived safely. Also, if a gift is lost, they may have only a limited window of time to collect on insurance. And, of course, saying thank you promptly is not only good manners; it’s a way of getting the chore of writing notes out of the way, so you don’t have to be thinking about it while you’re on your honeymoon.


QUESTION: How do I word my invitations?


OUR ANSWER: This one used to be a no-brainer, and any etiquette book or stationer had all the answers easily at hand. However, today’s more complicated family and money situations make the answers not so easy. Basically, those who pay for the wedding are doing the inviting. So, if that’s you, plus both sets of parents, an invitation can read: “Jane Smith and John Doe, Along with Their Families, Invite You...” However, even if parents aren’t paying, many brides and grooms still include their names, just to keep peace or to be gracious. Any stationer or stationary website has endless variations on today’s acceptable wording. In addition, the strict, formal tone of the wording of invitations of the past no longer is required. Couples are writing their own, unique invitations, with quotes, poems, jokes, lyrics, or any other words that they choose to express themselves. As long as the basic who, what, when, and where is clear, individuality is “in” these days.


But one place where etiquette remains strict is on the subject of gifts: the rule today still is, NO MENTION OF GIFTS OR REGISTRY INFO. ON YOUR INVITATIONS. Word of mouth, wedding websites, and even shower invites acceptably can convey gift information, but not the wedding invitations themselves. Why? Because people don’t have to give you gifts because they’re invited to your wedding. They give gifts because they want to. And they’re the ones who choose what your gift is, not you. However, if they ask, it’s perfectly ok to tell them where you’re registered or what you’d prefer.


QUESTION: Who is supposed to walk me down the aisle?


OUR ANSWER: Here’s another former no-brainer that’s become more complicated by today’s often chaotic family situations! We all know about the old tradition of Dad giving the bride away. But, today, many brides do not want to be given like property; some brides have more than one “Dad” in the picture, or none at all; or a bride feels closer to Mom, or---AAAGH! So, here’s an area where etiquette has changed, and brides should do what makes them feel happy and comfortable.

Some brides with complicated family issues are choosing to walk alone. More and more non-Jewish couples are adopting Jewish tradition that has both sets of parents walking their children down the aisle. We also love a fairly new custom of the bride walking with her groom or meeting him halfway down the aisle and walking to the altar together to symbolize their partnership in the marriage. And we were touched by the lovely gesture of a new father-in-law who offered to walk with his son’s bride-to-be because her own father had died.


QUESTION: What music should I use for my ceremony?


OUR ANSWER: Whatever you like, short of obscene, Satanic, or anything about divorce! Seriously, most people are giving up the traditional Wedding March or Pachebel’s Cannon in D and going for music that expresses their individual tastes and personalities. Newer choices range from classical to ethnic to cute. Music is an area where couples are feeling free to be very creative.


QUESTION: What colors should I use for flowers and decor? Is it okay if I use “fall colors” in the spring? Can I use bright pinks and oranges (or purples or yellows—you get the idea!) at a wedding?


OUR ANSWER: You do not have to be governed by the seasons in your choice of flowers or decor. Seasonal colors are one way of decorating your wedding, but certainly not the only way. Many brides really don’t want red and green just because their weddings are in December or red, white and blue in July! And black and orange around Halloween probably isn’t a look that most brides are going for. More important questions in choosing colors are:

** What do you love?

** What’s flattering?

** What complements the big picture that you’re trying to create?


By “the big picture,” we mean the overall look of the spaces in which you will hold your event, the look that you wish to achieve for your bridal party, and any theme or ambiance that you’re trying to create. Some event locations are pretty much blank slates, so in a garden or a park or a neutral-looking hotel, you can pretty much do as you please. But if you’re stuck with the blue-and-purple carpeting or the red damask wallpaper, you’re better off finding a scheme that will work, rather than having to spend lots of money to remake the space.

If you’re stymied, all white or cream flowers and decor can work in almost any setting, as can varying shades and textures of one overall color. All green also is a popular look nowadays and goes with most other colors.  Many brides are using the "paint chip trick."  That is, go to your local paint or hardware store and play around with the paint chips until you come up with a color combo that you love.  Charry the chips when you shop for dresses, flowers, and so on.  Hand them to your bridal party if they are shopping on their own and choosing their own outfits.  The internet, magazines, wedding books, and decorating and garden resources make researching a look or combination that you like fairly easy.


And, of course, we’re here to help with all of these issues and more! Please contact us with your wedding questions and we’ll do our best to provide answers!  Good luck!
Spring 2008

Smart Shopping!

Spring is here, and so is the start of another slew of holidays.  From St. Patty's Day and Easter, to Passover, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Memorial Day, and 4th of July, our local stores are packed with decor and goodies for each occassion. 

And while the "S" in Spring may stand for "Stress" it can also stand for "Save, Save, Save!"  Now is the time for creative planning and smart shopping.  Do you have a wedding coming up in the next year?  Is it going to be centered around a particular holiday?  Are you already honing in on a specific color scheme or style?  Well, a bargain may be in your future! 

With a little advanced planning, you can hit up post-holiday sales and clean up on fabulous decorating deals.  Within days after a major holiday, you will see significant merchandise markdowns.  So, here are a few hints on what holidays to think about and how you may be able to take advantage of the sales.  And, remember, it's not just about clovers, or flags, it is about overall colors and style that can be used to shape your event.

St. Patrick's Day - Ok, this one may seem obvious - Green, green, green.  But the brights are really becoming popular for weddings (see all those hot spring fashions) and even if you just pick up a few things to combine with another color, you can save big!  Think pink and green, blue and green, or red and green for Christmas. 

Easter - It's time for pastels.  Maybe you can skip stocking up on old chocolate and bunnies, but if you are planning anything in the softer color tones, post-Easter sales are the place to be!  Pretty floral table decor, eggs and nests, baskets, ribbon, and more.

Mother's Day - Planning for a more feminine feel?  Think about the gifts that you might buy for your mom, and then think about them being on sale right after the holiday.  How about candles for your tables, lotions and bath salts as party favors, or beautiful pots and vases for centerpieces?

Father's Day - Same goes for the more masculine side.  Think golf, BBQ, cigars, fishing, gadgets, and more.

Memorial Day and 4th of July - Remember, red white and blue don't always have to go together.  Sure, you can get patriotic materials at a bargain after these holidays, but also think about the colors seperately.  Need some fabulous white buckets for your outdoor ceremony?  How about red tableclothes or glassware?  Or "something blue" just for you?

We hope your bargain shopping juices are now flowing!  Just remember, a few minutes of strategy can go a long way in saving you money!
Winter 2008
"Keeping the Event Lively"
Many people ask us, "How can I make my wedding lively and fun, rather than the same old boring affair?"  Obviously, not everyone has learned the answers, as we just went to a friend's wedding that probably was the most boring we'd ever been to.  So, we sat down and tried to analyze--what makes an affair boring, and what makes for a fun party?  Expensive extras--photo booths, caricature artists, cigar bars--are sure to get people talking, but they're really not necessary for people to have a good time.

So, on thinking about it, our best suggestions for a fun affair involve gracious hosts, great music, good food and drink, a terrific seating plan, and mostof all, expert timing, so that the party never lags.

Back to our friend's boring wedding.   Here's where our "gracious hosts" come in.  At this wedding, none of the family mingled.  Both sets of parents sat down with their families at separate tables in the far corner, and never even came around to say hello.  The bride and groom also stayed to themselves at their "sweetheart table" or were off posing for pictures most of the evening.  Even a great band couldn't save this affair, because hardly anyone felt motivated to dance.  And, even the people who wanted to converse had to move furniture, balance plates while standing, and so on.

Instead of just opting out of arranged seating, we do believe in assigning people to tables (but not, in most cases, to specific chairs).  Gracious hosts should take the time to try to seat people together who share common interests--work, school, style, origin.  It's nice for people to be able to mix and mingle on their own, but unassigned seating usually results in the chaotic process of finding seating at a large affair, cliques going off by themselves, and strangers feeling disconnected.  If you can, make tables smallish (6-8 people or a long banquet table), rather than 10-12 person rounds, so people actually can talk to each other.  If you are having a cocktail party instead of a sitdown meal, still create seating areas, or places where people feel comfortable mingling.

And, keep the music in the early part of the affair (or during the meal) lively but low enough that people can hear each other.  If the band is too loud, and people are far away from each other, you can be sure that there will be awkward silences and boredom.  Finally, parents and couples should circulate as much as possible, making introductions and pointing out areas of connection between guests, as well as thanking guests personally for sharing in this happy time.  Many people opt for a "receiving line" after the ceremony, but we prefer to keep the event moving and insert mingling with guests throughout the event.  Some couples even opt to have their photographer follow them from table to table as they great guests.

Great timing is important for a great party.  We know, many people rely on obnoxious DJ's and embarassing games, thinking that these add up to a "good time."  Well, not for us.  Instead, try to schedule "moments" throughout your wedding to vary the pace.  Have a little dancing right at the start of the event, between courses, and after, rather than saving it all for later.  Involve your guests without making them feel uncomfortable.  Hosts, take the lead and get out on the dance floor early to set the tone.  Bridal couples and parents often are taking dance lessons so they can make first dances into fun "performances"--we did!  Then, invite other guests to join you.

Don't do lots of special dances that involve only a few people at one time.  Do one (e.g. the bride and groom's first dance), and then have everyone get out on the floor.  For father-daughter / mother-son dances, use just one song and portion it out.  Remember, the moments may be special to you, but a guest can get bored watching activities and not participating.  More special moments (bouquet toss, cake cutting, special speeches) can be spaced throughout the event.  Vary the music, so people who don't know one type of dance can still participate in the next.  And, for a multi-generational crowd, stick to music that is at least 20 years old and everyone will be happy.

The "anniversary dance" gets everyone out on the floor and even provokes some friendly competition to see who has been married the longest.  And, if your culture provides a lively ethnic dance (hora, bhangra, tarentella, etc) that's another way to get people up and moving early in the event.   At Sara's wedding, we did the hora right away, and the dance floor was packed the rest of the night! 

A good bandleader or DJ also can act as "master of ceremonies," cluing people in to what's happening, to the special meaning of a song, or letting people know the cake is about to be cut.  We have been to weddings where we missed major moments because we just did not know they were happening.  But, by and large, other than performing these duties, we prefer that the DJ not keep up a round of "cute" patter or heavy song mixing/scratching (how many times have we thought, "Just shut up and play the music"?)

Usually we don't love mini cameras at tables as the primary means of photography.  But, if people are total strangers, cameras might get them talking.  Speaking of people talking, some might freeze up if a videographer confronts them and demands that they say something for posterity to the couple.  Having little cards with specific questions makes these moments easier for the "victim."  Other people have couple or family photos on the table, mementos of the couple's meeting, proposal, or favorite travel spots, favorite questions, or even trivia quizzes about the couple.  While none of these elements really is necessary, if they serve to get shy people talking, then they can work to make the party more interesting.

It helps to have a welcoming speech or two done early, light and humorous if possible, again giving topics of interest and connection among guests.  Limit your speechmakers or toast makers to no more than a couple of minutes each.  And don't have too many in a row--speeches, too, can be scheduled throughout the party, not all at one time.  We heard one story of a couple whose speech included personal stories about all 120 guests! 

Of course, the combination of great food, music, an attractive setting, gorgeous flowers, and all of the other elements of a beautiful wedding, each contribute to a memorable party.  But more than anything, warmth and caring about your guests' comfort and enjoyment will be sure to make your wedding a delight for all who attend.
Fall 2007
"How to Handle Candles"
We love candles, just about anywhere, any time, for anything. Whether you want floating, pillars, tapers, votives, hanging votives, luminarias, lanterns, or candle-loaded chandeliers--even in the daytime, there is no single wedding element that can add as much drama and warmth for as little money as candles. And, especially with the availability of choices on the internet and discount stores, the whole world can be yours to shop for the best deals.

The first thing you must do before incorporating candles into your decor is to check with your venue(s) to find out whether you are allowed to use candles at all. If you can use them, must the flames be enclosed (usually in glass) or can they be open? Are you limited to a certain amount of candles? Even if real flames are not allowed, there are flameless candles, battery or LED-operated candles, or Instalytes that can be used instead.

For an elegant, economical look, fill tall glass containers with water and floating candles. If you use more than one container, use different sizes or shapes and/or have the water at different levels. If you want some color, you can add a little food coloring to the water. If you wish, add a few floating or submerged blossoms. For even more sparkle, intersperse the taller containers with votives. There are even disposable votives available that look just like glass-enclosed candles. After four hours, they crumble up in their little holders and can be thrown away. Talk about easy! In our opinion, colored sand and mirrors in the middle of the table are a bit out of style and don't do much to add to the look of the arrangement.

For a bit more money, you can add unique elements to show through the containers. Stones, glass pebbles or crystals, citrus fruits, cranberries, hard vegetables or fruits (apples, chili peppers, artichokes), candy, twined bear grass, twigs, Christmas ornaments, a stem of flowers, or sticks of bamboo are just some of the decorative touches that can add to your candle display.

Aside from floating candles, assorted pillars and tapers are a great look. Try a cluster of candles in various heights placed on a bed of flower petals, fabric, or leaves. Even a pair of silver candlesticks can look fresh and modern if accented with ribbon or a few blooms.

Candles are an inexpensive way to extend decor beyond just your centerpieces. Look for unique ways to use them throughout your ceremony and reception. A couple of tall, standing candleabras can be all you need to frame your ceremony. A fireplace mantle is a great place for pillars and votives, while the hearth can contain a display of tall pillars of varying heights. Spark up a small niche, cabinet interior, bathroom counter, cocktail table, staircase, or balcony railing with a few votives. Add pizzazz to an already lovely flower display by inserting a tall taper in the center. And nothing adds height and grandeur to a space more easily than a standing candelabra with a display of candles.

Candles can even be an exciting alternative to bouquets for the bride and her maids. Avoid drippy, lighted tapers. Instead, have each maid carry a lighted votive in a heavy cut glass holder.  Or, maids could carry battery-operated candles.

Try to avoid scented candles--even a faint fragrance can be bothersome to some guests. Finally, make sure that you have someone ready to light all those candles at the proper moment. Skip matches and buy a couple of those automatic candle lighters to make this task stress free.
All white with petals and pillars
Food coloring adds a unique look to floating candles
A Classic hurricane vase surrounded by flowers
Floating candles in assorted glass containers
Taper candles can add to a floral arrangement
Candles can add a special glow to a reception
Hydrangea sumerged with floating candles and votives
Orchids submerged in glass with floating candles
A Hollowed out pumpkin makes a unique candle holder
Tall Glasses with Callas Tulips and Candles